If only I were rich…
If only I were taller…
If only this were easier…
If only [fill in the blank]…
And the list goes on.
It’s as if we’re on a hamster wheel, stuck in the happiness deferment plan, wishing, hoping, and praying (hat tip to Dusty Springfield).
We won’t be happy in our current situation until X changes.
But I have news for you.
If you can’t be happy now or find something to smile about today, achieving that X won’t change that.
Old Mindset
I used to think that if only I had a loving partner in my life, I would be happy. The truth is, you don’t control how that person will act or choose from day to day.
So, when they make a mistake (because they are human, not demi-gods) or decide you’re not their love anymore, the disappointment is understandable.
I believed that a six-figure salary would elate me, boost my self-worth, and address my money concerns.
It did for a short while, but then I found myself wanting more.
Surely, earning in the upper-six figures is better, right?
I also believed that a new job position would make me happier. But in time, as the excitement faded, I encountered the same office politics and similar personalities, through different faces.
Moreover, an easier life doesn’t always equate to a better one.
I’m reminded of that Twilight Zone episode, A Nice Place to Visit, where a thief dies and goes to the afterlife. (Spoiler alert if you haven’t seen it). When he gets there, he’s able to get anything that he desires and automatically thinks this is paradise.
No strain, no struggle, just pure genie-in-the-bottle unlimited bliss.
It’s fine and dandy for a while, but eventually he begins to hate it.
The constant success without any challenges soon becomes monotonous.
The saying goes, not all that glitters is gold.
Where’s the thrill of uncertainty when you already know the outcome?
He realizes this effortless life is his own hell.
Happiness is a state of mind, and like any state, it’s your choice to activate or deactivate it.
Nothing can brighten up your world except the attitude and mindset.
Choosing Happiness
Instead of wondering, “How can I be happy?”, ask “What am I happy about right now?”.
As a teenager, after my stroke, a professor introduced me to “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl. Seeing my copy of “The Road Less Traveled” by M. Scott Peck on my desk, he mentioned Frankl’s book offered a deeper dive into the concept of choice. A key takeaway is:
Happiness is not something to chase; it emerges.
It’s not an end goal but a state we can choose, no matter our circumstances.
Considering the hardships faced by people in war zones or those struggling for basic necessities day by day, it might seem like a tall order. But Viktor Frankl found meaning even in the horrors he faced in the concentration camps, an incredible testament to human resilience.
Starting With Gratitude
No matter what is going on in my life, I start my day thinking of things that I am thankful for.
Since I know firsthand how it feels not to be able to walk or move without debilitating pain, the moment both my feet touch the ground, I feel gratitude coursing through my veins.
The warmth around me reminds me of times when I wasn’t so fortunate, living in a hovel of an apartment during the dead of winter with no heat. My 10-year-old car may not be the latest model, but it’s mine free and clear, and it reminds me of the days I relied on public transport to get anywhere.
Each day, find your own reasons to smile genuinely.
The Human Experience
Regardless of status or circumstances, we all eventually pay a price for this thing called life.
None of us will leave unscathed.
At various points, we must contend with pain, sadness, disappointment and grief.
Whether we like it or not, it’s part of the “contract” from the moment we were born.
However, we have a choice in our belief and our state when confronted with struggle and challenges.
I hope you choose happy despite them.